Eliza's Testimony
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personal testimonies
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| Eliza Șerban |
I have known Eliza for
a good, many years from meetings in her church and in youth camps in Romania.
She was a Christian girl, very pleasant with a wonderful sense of humor. On the
other hand, she was thin and sickly, having to be very careful about her diet.
She was also plagued with fears that tended to cloud her life and keep her from
enjoying the tremendous blessings of the gospel.
She married Sammy Șerban, a friend and also
brother of a missionary. They honored me by asking me to speak at their wedding,
but to my great embarrassment, I forgot to bring my passport to the airport and
consequently, was denied my flight to Romania. Someone else took my place at
the wedding. Sammy got a job as an engineer in London, but I would see them on
rare occasions at a family camp, when they came to visit Romania. They have two
sons, Luca and Patrick.
While living in
London, Eliza became sick and went through surgery. It was after the surgery
that she had several brushes with death (I can’t
recall how many times, but there were several.) and actually had to be revived by CPR on one occasion. In
fact, the doctors told Sammy that it was over. One night,
before the CPR experience, they said definitely that she would die. I think Eliza would agree that, in herself, she was not yet ready to face death.
At this point, we will
begin to read her letter and learn of a continued illness and her deep,
spiritual needs, and then… we will see how the Lord intervened and turned her
life right side-up. I bring this letter before you, in order to show you the
joy, power and blessing that there is in the promise of the Father, given
clearly in His word…
Hi Brother Lowell!!
Wow! It has been ages
since we last spoke, but it doesn’t seem so distant to me, as I follow your
blog. I have been reading and re-reading some of your articles, especially on
the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and the First Corinthians study.
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| Luca and Patrick in Hong Kong |
This was before I
stumbled across a YouTube video of the life of Jackie Pullinger (who came as a
missionary to Hong Kong from the United Kingdom, when she was 22). It is called
The Law of Love. After that something happened to me and I had a burning
desire to go to Hong Kong. Sammy was, of course, unimpressed and, because I
kept at it for so long, he got upset with me. I just prayed one of the few
genuine prayers that I prayed during that period of my life (I usually could
not really pray). I said, "God, if it is your will for us to go to Hong
Kong, make it happen that Sammy’s work will send him there. In Jesus’ name.
Amen."
Then I forgot about my
prayer. I had a very dark year to a year and a half in London, It was dark
spiritually, just living superficially, and towards the end of 2018, I started
reading 1 Corinthians. I do not know, nor remember how, but suddenly chapter 12
and 14 seemed so clear to me. I looked around, and did not see anywhere the contents of
those chapters and I earnestly desired them. However, I was told
by a friend, not to seek the extraordinary.
Needless to say, I
found out too late, why my spiritual life almost died. I had learned the doctrines of fatalism and cessationism!! There was turmoil
within me and, even though I was reading my Bible at that time, after hearing a sermon, I was so distressed that I went home and
closed my Bible without picking it up for months. What I heard was very deterministic and cessationist. A depression came over me, especially after
the death of a friend.
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| Sammy & Eliza |
We came to Hong Kong
and I was still a mess in this deep depression, and I started to slide into
weaknesses, from which I had been delivered, when I became s
Christian. Things did not go well, and the fact that God had brought us here
began to fade. We started going to a small, international church, where I met a
very godly, Indian family. They have become my friends.
After a while, out of
nowhere, I got a bad pain in my back and abdomen that did not go away. After
tests, the doctors told me that I needed surgery and that it would be
difficult, due to my many previous abdominal surgeries. Of course, I accepted my
fate, but I was afraid of death. It was
again a very dark time and I told a few women here in church about my
condition. The Indian lady was different from all the others. She immediately
asked, if she could pray for me and after church, she took my hand and prayed.
She asked that the tumor would just disappear - no mention of surgery. I was a
bit upset with her, because, I thought, she did not understand that I needed
surgery for the situation. After she prayed the second time, I think, the pain
went away… although my mental pain persisted.
Every time I talked to
my friend and mentioned surgery, she said they were praying that there would be
no need for surgery. And now, after seeing four doctors in two different
hospitals in the space of 3-4 weeks, having taken the “CT” that diagnosed my
problem, and after doing a scan, nothing was there. Consequently, they sent me
for an “MRI” and again, nothing could be found anymore! When I asked the doctor
if the tumor could have gone away by itself, he told me, “No, it was too big!”
He did not have anything else to say and neither did I.
It made me realize
that God still sees me… He really sees me!! Something strange happened next. I
directly asked my friend, if she prays in tongues (I do not know why I did that
as tongues was not of interest to me. I think, it just came out of curiosity).
She was a bit shocked at my direct question, but she answered, “Yes.” She began
to share some things about the gifts of the Spirit, about tongues, along with
prayer and faith. She told me that when she prayed for my healing, she did not
feel anything special, only she knew that God is willing to heal. It was a new
thought for me, as I had come to believe that His will is only suffering and
that healing is not in His will, so I did not even expect it.
I disagreed with her
on many things, one being the belief that I just explained, a fatalistic
acceptance of all circumstances. I thought that this was the only true doctrine
and it was ‘meat’ instead of only milk that some Christians were drinking. I
thought that churches, outside of those that I went to, did not have pure
doctrine and are liberals, or perhaps they had a prosperity gospel.
She did challenge me,
but it was in a very gentle way, and told me she also grew up with the same
mentality that I had. However, living in Dubai, a Muslim country, their church
was like a New Testament one. They saw prayers answered and experienced the
power of God, and it was not only manifested in healings. In Arab countries,
Christians have only God to turn to with their big problems.
I still argued with
her, but could not deny that she was far godlier than I, and her family also
was very godly, as well as kind, loving, helpful and caring. They had faith in
God and were honest and sincere. If she said that she would pray for me, I
could count on it, because that is what she would do. It was so unlike me... I
had a ‘sound, clean, true’ doctrine, so I thought, but I did not have the true
biblical picture. She lived in faith, and God was with her.
I wanted that. I felt
my world crumbling, because things that I thought were sure and safe for years
and years, actually were not true. Subconsciously, I had believed for many
years that God wanted me to be miserable and that we must accept all, for all
has been predetermined. Therefore, instead of running to God, I was running from
Him. I was taught that He does everything, even the work of the evil one.
Now, I’m so shocked at this teaching that I can’t mention it anymore. Resigning
everything to fate, is what I transformed into accepting God’s will, just
because it happened. It was not that I knew from God specifically, what His
will was in my case, as Paul did (2 Cor.12:7-9).
I also believed for
many years that the gifts and the baptism of the Holy Spirit were only for the
godly Christians, like missionaries, but not for me. They could never happen to
me, because I’m not special. I did not believe you, Lowell, or understand, when
you once told me I should pray for the Baptism of the Spirit at Lepșa (where
there is a Romanian campgrounds). I had no faith that it could happen, as I
thought, it was not for me, because I’m not a special Christian, like the ones
I looked up to.
My mistake was that I
put men in such a high place, that if I saw them godly or with experiences I
did not have, then I took everything they said, as if it were all correct... as
if it were Bible-truth. (I did not realize it directly, but it is what I actually
did.). That is why I fought to accept all that people I admired taught, even if
inside of me, everything was saying “no”, and there was turmoil, many tears,
and sleepless nights. The story is very long.
This is where your
articles enter into the picture. I started to read them again and I started to
read some things from What our Hands Have Handled". I realized that
you were saying that everything is NOT to be resigned to fate, but that we are
to go to war in prayer and trust in God. This is not what I was taught about
prayer. I re-read your
blog, talked to my friend, and I realized I had been afraid to ask God for the
Baptism in the Holy Spirit for fear that I would get a demon. All that I heard
about speaking in tongues and the gifts was that it can come from the evil one,
and you might get an evil spirit.
My Indian friend
showed me the verse that says, "How
much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”
(Lk.11:13) I also read a booklet from D. L. Moody’s
friend, R. A. Torrey, who quoted the same verse. So I saw that God would not give me
a demon, if I ask HIM for the Holy Spirit.
My problem was that
for years I could not really pray. I did some things that looked like prayer,
but I could hardly call them real prayers. With few exceptions, I was
daydreaming on my knees, feeling very sleepy and letting my mind go to other
things. I could NOT fix this problem and for a long time my prayer had been,
“God, just help me to pray!”
Now, I asked my friend
to pray for me that I would be filled with the Holy Spirit, and she prayed for
me. I felt no emotion, not like I did, when I was a young Christian, but now
there was a small state of calm in my heart. Before this, I had been upset
with Sammy and I could not rid myself of this attitude. I
knew that this was not right, but I could not correct it, so I couldn’t pray,
having this state of mind. After my friend prayed, I felt a small quiet down
deep inside me. I could barely perceive it, but the anger was there no more…
just a calm peace and nothing else!
I expected something
else. I think maybe I still do, but at any rate, I went home and that evening I
was alone in my kitchen. Again, I asked God to help me pray. I read again that
portion, in which He said that He will give to those who ask (read the entire portion, Luke 11:9-13), and faith came over me. I understood the
verse and I believed. I asked God to help me to pray, and then I said a word in
a language that was not Romanian or English. Suddenly, like a fountain, came a
complete language that I did not know and I prayed in shock and with many
tears. There was always so much that I
wanted to say in prayer, but only then I could do that. To make it short (this
is hugely long), after that my prayer life has been changed... transformed! I
can pray in tongues and also in languages that I know, (Romanian and English)
and there is a boldness in prayer that I did not have before.
I believe that I was
guided by God to talk to two friends and my sister, because I see it produced
fruit in their lives, and they shared with me that it helped them. One wrote to
you about what had happened to me. I never helped people before, but always
needed people to help me and carry me.
It has been an intense
journey and still is. I followed your study on 1 Corinthians, but before I read
about the gift of tongues, I received the gift. I waited anxiously to see what
you had to say about it, as it was so new and sometimes I am unsure concerning
what the Bible teaches. I read many times the study on the baptism of the Holy
Spirit, as I did not understand many things, but now I do understand much more!
I know there is more
to know about God. I am aware that I can get spiritually lazy and I still am
shocked about how the castle that I had built and thought was true and strong,
has crumbled to pieces. That is why, I do not take what any man says, as I did before.
It is a new and strange place for me to be.
I’m sorry, it is past
midnight in Hong Kong and this is a huge and chaotic email (Lowell's note: I took the liberty to make some
adjustments), but I had to send
it, now or never! Thank you for so much help you have given me in key moments
of my life and for your example, friendship and caring!
We have prayed for
Leah. How is she? I am sorry that you go through this difficult time. (You might want to read about Leah in the
previous article.)
Many blessings,
Eliza
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